Our Cabin
View from the balcony.....gorgeous!
Birthday Boy! Don't mind the noose behind his head.....
The Spread
He's a bit excited...in case you couldn't tell.
Happy Wednesday!!!
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
B, Birthdays, and Beer
This past month was B's birthday. The big 28 whoop! We hadn't gone out of town in ages so against my better judgement I peeled myself away from studying and we headed down to Occidental for some wine and beer tasting, Norwegian waffles, and breathtaking views. I'd never been there before but, after seeing the views from the cabin we stayed in, I figured we'd find something fun to do. Needless to say we will definitely be going back. Occidental has all the charm of Napa or Sonoma minus the crowd (and the prices).
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Love or Something Like It
Have you ever read "A Cup Of Jo?" If you haven't I suggest you hop on over to her blog and check it out. She has lovely little tid bits on NY, fashion, babies, and my favorite topic of hers...love. Here is a lovely article that, I believe, gives a realistic description of what love truly is. Not the love shoved down our throats in romantic comedies, television shows, and books. That kind of love is...well lovely. But it's not realistic. Love can be hurtful, selfish, disappointing, aggravating. It can cause you to do things you never thought you were capable of, to say things you never thought you'd utter. It can bring out the worst in you. But...it can also teach you things about yourself you'd have never know if someone wasn't there challenging you...daily. It can bring out the good in you, teach you the true meaning of sacrifice, compromise, and compassion. It can take you to your wits end and bring you as close to Heaven as you'll see on this Earth.
"When the Words Don’t Fit...." (via a Cup of Joe)
"My husband and I don’t have a great “meeting” story. We met in a conventional way and had a conventional wedding. And in some sense, we lead a conventional life.
But my husband has seen me at my worst, at my most vile. And he has seen me at my best. He knows the things I don’t tell anyone, and the lies that I tell everyone but him. I have made sacrifices for him and been angry about it. Sometimes his flaws are so egregious, so blatant, they are all I see. And sometimes his kindness is so stunning that I am humbled.
And that’s love. Big, epic, fairy-tale love. The kind of love people write about. The kind of love that could inspire a poem."
Love is a funny thing. It's taken me 26 years to even begin to understand what it means to love and I've still got so far to go.
"When the Words Don’t Fit...." (via a Cup of Joe)
"My husband and I don’t have a great “meeting” story. We met in a conventional way and had a conventional wedding. And in some sense, we lead a conventional life.
But my husband has seen me at my worst, at my most vile. And he has seen me at my best. He knows the things I don’t tell anyone, and the lies that I tell everyone but him. I have made sacrifices for him and been angry about it. Sometimes his flaws are so egregious, so blatant, they are all I see. And sometimes his kindness is so stunning that I am humbled.
And that’s love. Big, epic, fairy-tale love. The kind of love people write about. The kind of love that could inspire a poem."
Love is a funny thing. It's taken me 26 years to even begin to understand what it means to love and I've still got so far to go.
Have a wonderful weekend!
Tuesday, November 1, 2011
Easy Rider
Have you ever had that moment when you realize you're a spoiled brat? Haha. Seriously though? That moment when you realize that in all your life you've not met a single challenge that truly defined you, your faith, your strength or your fortitude? A moment when you had to consider what your life was all about, how you had lived thus far and if it had been enough? I'll admit, in my 26 years I have yet to have this moment. And if I'm to be completely honest, I hope I never do. Even the thought of it sends chills down my spine. Would I be as strong as I think I am? Would I have faith enough in God to get through it? Or would I running crying and screaming in the other direction as fast as possible or fall into a weepy puddle unable to bear it. The more I get to know myself the more I believe the latter to be true. As sad as it is.
The picture below is what sparked my thoughts on this matter. That and that fact that I have been challenged more than ever by trying to juggle work, Chem, and life (sad isn't it?). I struggle to manage my time while the child below struggles to survive. I woefully attempt to earn my second degree when this child will likely never attend school much less make it to adulthood. I rack my brain for ways to make my life and career "more meaningful" while this child likely begs and pleads for a meal. And yet many who have nothing have a faith and understanding of God that far surpasses ours. What is this life we have created in the modern world? One where our "challenges" consist of managing the stress induced by juggling our blessings?
In C.S. Lewis' book "A Grief Observed" he writes about facing challenges and the faith it produces after the death of his wife. A man who many regard as a spiritual leader, vastly insightful on the subject of God and faith, with a firm foundation in the Gospel describes his faith as a house of cards. If a man such as this describes his faith this way....what does that make mine?
"I already knew that these things, and worse, happened daily. I would have said that I had taken them into account. I had been warned - I warned myself - not to reckon on worldly happiness. We were even promised sufferings. They were part of the programme. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accepted it. I've got nothing that I had bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not in imagination. Yes; but should it, for a sane man, make quite such a difference as this? No. And it wouldn't for a man whose faith had been real faith and whose concern for others people's sorrows had been real concern. The case is too plain. If my house has collapsed at one blow, that is because is was a house of cards... It has been an imaginary faith playing with innocuous counters labelled 'Illness,' 'Pain,' 'Death,' and 'Loneliness.' I thought I had trusted the rope until it mattered to me whether it would bear me. Now it matters, and I find I didn't... And you will never discover how serious it was until the stakes are raised horribly high, until you find that you are not playing for counters or for sixpences but for every penny you have in the world. Nothing less will shake a man...out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover himself."
I will probably never know the depths of my faith until I know true sorrow, pain, and torture. I pray that it will never come to this for me; to see that my faith is indeed a house of cards, that my "confidence" is set on sinking sand and not the solid rock of Christ, that I am only as strong as my God and nothing else will get me through this world. I have been challenged more in the past year than anytime in my short life so far and it has shown me the depths of my faith. I wade out into the shallow water and begin to flounder. I have yet to be thrown into the deep end of life, into real troubles, sorrows, challenges. I pray to God that I will be smart enough to grab on to His life preserver and not keep hold of my own stubbornness, making my way to shore unprotected and alone. But....
"....I must surely admit that, if my house was a house of cards, the sooner it was knocked down the better."
My prayer today will be for gratitude, patience, faith and compassion for these are the things that will get me through life's challenges, come as they may.
Have a lovely week!
The picture below is what sparked my thoughts on this matter. That and that fact that I have been challenged more than ever by trying to juggle work, Chem, and life (sad isn't it?). I struggle to manage my time while the child below struggles to survive. I woefully attempt to earn my second degree when this child will likely never attend school much less make it to adulthood. I rack my brain for ways to make my life and career "more meaningful" while this child likely begs and pleads for a meal. And yet many who have nothing have a faith and understanding of God that far surpasses ours. What is this life we have created in the modern world? One where our "challenges" consist of managing the stress induced by juggling our blessings?
(Image via World Press)
In C.S. Lewis' book "A Grief Observed" he writes about facing challenges and the faith it produces after the death of his wife. A man who many regard as a spiritual leader, vastly insightful on the subject of God and faith, with a firm foundation in the Gospel describes his faith as a house of cards. If a man such as this describes his faith this way....what does that make mine?
"I already knew that these things, and worse, happened daily. I would have said that I had taken them into account. I had been warned - I warned myself - not to reckon on worldly happiness. We were even promised sufferings. They were part of the programme. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accepted it. I've got nothing that I had bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not in imagination. Yes; but should it, for a sane man, make quite such a difference as this? No. And it wouldn't for a man whose faith had been real faith and whose concern for others people's sorrows had been real concern. The case is too plain. If my house has collapsed at one blow, that is because is was a house of cards... It has been an imaginary faith playing with innocuous counters labelled 'Illness,' 'Pain,' 'Death,' and 'Loneliness.' I thought I had trusted the rope until it mattered to me whether it would bear me. Now it matters, and I find I didn't... And you will never discover how serious it was until the stakes are raised horribly high, until you find that you are not playing for counters or for sixpences but for every penny you have in the world. Nothing less will shake a man...out of his merely verbal thinking and his merely notional beliefs. He has to be knocked silly before he comes to his senses. Only torture will bring out the truth. Only under torture does he discover himself."
I will probably never know the depths of my faith until I know true sorrow, pain, and torture. I pray that it will never come to this for me; to see that my faith is indeed a house of cards, that my "confidence" is set on sinking sand and not the solid rock of Christ, that I am only as strong as my God and nothing else will get me through this world. I have been challenged more in the past year than anytime in my short life so far and it has shown me the depths of my faith. I wade out into the shallow water and begin to flounder. I have yet to be thrown into the deep end of life, into real troubles, sorrows, challenges. I pray to God that I will be smart enough to grab on to His life preserver and not keep hold of my own stubbornness, making my way to shore unprotected and alone. But....
"....I must surely admit that, if my house was a house of cards, the sooner it was knocked down the better."
My prayer today will be for gratitude, patience, faith and compassion for these are the things that will get me through life's challenges, come as they may.
Have a lovely week!
Monday, October 31, 2011
Boo!
Happy Halloween! B and I attended a friend's Halloween party dressed as Mary Poppins and the chimney guy (what's his name again? haha). It was a blast and my homemade Butterfinger bars turned out great! Thankfully because we definitely spent most of Friday night tracking down candy corn. What the heck???
Have a wonderful week! :)
Saturday, October 29, 2011
Need
So I should be studying but I've been meaning to write a post and have been putting it off for far too long.
I am currently rereading "The Problem of Pain" by C.S. Lewis and had an epiphany the other night regarding the issue of need. A few months back someone had said to me that we cannot truly love God through our need for Him. That if we are to know Him honestly and appreciate His glory, mercy and strength we need to love Him for Him. Not for the things He provides for us or the pity He has on our wretchedness. This is easier said than done as we are obviously sinful creatures who literally would not exist without Him and are damned to hell (to say it bluntly) without His mercy, grace and the sacrifice that He made for us on Calvary. But it is an interesting concept to explore; to love someone truly for them and not for the things, whether they be physical, spiritual, or emotional, that they provide. Though I know I will never fully love God for God, for I am far too steeped in my sinful nature, selfish and ever falling backwards after stepping forwards, climbing uphill in my sanctification, it is something I must consider in both my relationship with God and those around me.
I think the easiest way to share my thoughts on need and human relationships is to share an email I wrote to B the other day. {I do this to him from time to time, poor man. I freak out, write him a page long email, spewing all my thoughts of the moment at him and then go back to normal. *Sigh* He's so patient, God bless him.}
It does make one wonder, if I didn't need God, if all was fine and rosy, if life seemed a joyful stroll down the street, a string of "things going my way," a path towards success and "happiness," what would He be to me then? Would He still my love, my God, my refuge, my reassurance? Would He be nothing but a nuisance because my self assurance lay in something or someone else? When I have not been trampled on, disappointed, let down, when I have not failed myself and others, been hurt or damaged, I am easy to let His voice become faint. For this I am sad, it is painful to think that I do this to One that I love, One who loves me despite my constant failures. I like to think that I would love God even if I did not need Him but all I can do is pray to Him, to lean on Him in all times, good and bad, easy and difficult. For He is love and mercy, righteousness and peace, strength and courage, and all things good that lie in me. I think I could love Him even if I didn't need Him but you know, it doesn't really matter because I know for sure that He loves me even though He's never needed me and this gives me much hope.
Anyway, this was a bit of a ramble but I needed to get it out there...so there :)
Have a wonderful weekend!
I am currently rereading "The Problem of Pain" by C.S. Lewis and had an epiphany the other night regarding the issue of need. A few months back someone had said to me that we cannot truly love God through our need for Him. That if we are to know Him honestly and appreciate His glory, mercy and strength we need to love Him for Him. Not for the things He provides for us or the pity He has on our wretchedness. This is easier said than done as we are obviously sinful creatures who literally would not exist without Him and are damned to hell (to say it bluntly) without His mercy, grace and the sacrifice that He made for us on Calvary. But it is an interesting concept to explore; to love someone truly for them and not for the things, whether they be physical, spiritual, or emotional, that they provide. Though I know I will never fully love God for God, for I am far too steeped in my sinful nature, selfish and ever falling backwards after stepping forwards, climbing uphill in my sanctification, it is something I must consider in both my relationship with God and those around me.
I think the easiest way to share my thoughts on need and human relationships is to share an email I wrote to B the other day. {I do this to him from time to time, poor man. I freak out, write him a page long email, spewing all my thoughts of the moment at him and then go back to normal. *Sigh* He's so patient, God bless him.}
"You’re going to think I’m crazy…well, you probably already do haha. But, as you may know, I am a bit of a co-dependent. A while back some had mentioned that we can’t truly love God if we love Him out of need. If we need Him, the majority of our love stems from that need and we don’t love Him solely for who He is. Well I think it works the same in human relationships. You can’t truly love someone if you need them. For example: I need water, therefore I have a tendency to take it for granted until I no longer have it. It is only then that I recognize the importance of water. So, I never truly loved water, I just needed. I didn’t take the time to recognize how wonderful it was because I took it for granted. Similarly with God, I don’t usually realize His significance until I “need” Him.
I think my co-dependent tendencies have been taking a toll on our relationship lately. I put so much emphasis on how our relationship is functioning (are we spending enough time together, are you treating me how I think I deserve to be treated, are we headed down the correct path towards marriage, yadda yadda yadda blah blah blah). So much of who I am gets wrapped up in the health of our relationship, what you think of me and where we are going that I can’t just love you for you. I have spent so much of my life worried about what others think of me, vying for approval and trying to be perfect and perform how I think others want me to. I’m so sick of it and it has done me such a disservice.
Then there’s you. You frustrate the hell out of me because you don’t need me. You love me because you choose to, not because you need to. Before it would drive me crazy because I would wonder why you didn’t seek my approval, but I am starting to appreciate it. You started dating because you thought that’s what God wanted you to do. Not because you needed a companion. I trust your love so much more because it is not wound up in your own self-worth. I have learned so much over the past year….SO MUCH! And I am still learning. I love you so much and I am hoping someday I won’t need you as much as you don’t need me :) haha
That’s all. For now…"
Anyway, this was a bit of a ramble but I needed to get it out there...so there :)
Have a wonderful weekend!
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Candy Corn Dependance
One more week to Halloween...yippee!!! Not that I am a huge fan of the holiday but I have a sweet tooth that could rival that of a child's so I am mildly excited for all the treats that will be lying in wait for me to eat. :) It also gives me the excuse I've been wanting to make these....
They're made with candy corn! UMMM. YUM.
P.S. I had an epiphany this morning about co-dependence (hi my name is Lou and I'm a co-dependant...hi Lou! ha ha) and will be writing a new post regarding it later today. Can't wait to finally get some of the incessant thoughts out of my head! It's been far too long!
They're made with candy corn! UMMM. YUM.
P.S. I had an epiphany this morning about co-dependence (hi my name is Lou and I'm a co-dependant...hi Lou! ha ha) and will be writing a new post regarding it later today. Can't wait to finally get some of the incessant thoughts out of my head! It's been far too long!
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